10/28/2013
The hold pattern
I am in transition they tell me, a
holding pattern. I am glad there are words to describe this time period in my
life and that someone informed me of it (no joke, it helps a lot and I give
thanks and gratitude for this knowledge). These words have become the flash light that
turns off and on, on its own in this dark tunnel that I have been in for almost
three years now. But something tells me
I am nearing the end of the tunnel, all my cells in my body are suddenly hyper
as they sense the brightness at its end. I should have known this transition
awaits me because seven years ago I started this path of self-discovery, what I
would not have know is that it will lead to me being plucked out from life as I was living
it and put in place that is transforming.
Here is what I wrote three years ago and the height of my
self-discovery: “On the part to self-discovery, becoming whole, becoming my authentic
self. For the past couple of years, I
have been wondering what I am meant to do with my life, I have the innate
feeling that I am meant to be somewhere else doing something more fulfilling,
and I am meant to contribute more to the universe than I am current doing. This
feeling was the force that got me to apply to business school in 2005 and now five
years later, I feel like it is back, urging me to move closer to my
destiny. After grade school it took,
what felt like decades for me to find a job, and even then my life hit a wall,
all the opportunities that was dangled before me faded; for instance the
opportunity to work at the VA hospital disappeared as will quickly as it
appeared.”
Now it is three years later, after being laid off from a job
that I wanted to leave, and giving up my apartment in a town that I did not
enjoy living in, I find myself more certain of what I want for my life
professional and personally. In know now that I want to engage more with and in
live instead of being just the observer, the investigator. Before the layoff and the forced move, I was
job hunting, looking to leave town but circumstances beat me to it. I dealt
with the situation by putting my things in storage and planning a move
destination unknown. All I knew was I wanted
to be in an area where it would be easy for me to continue my career interests
and give me opportunities to interact more with others. Luckily a friend’s mom
staying about 80 miles from an area I was interesting in offered to rent me a
room for what I can afford to pay. I accepted and I joined two professional
organizations that offered monthly seminars giving me the opportunity to stay
connected to my industry happenings and to network, something I had wanted to
do whiles working but never got the opportunity to do. Though I was down, I was
not going to be knocked out.
I understand myself a lot more now and I feel more equipped
to take my place in this world. Although I have found ways to stay involved in
my profession, and to earn money for bills, I am still looking for something
full-time permanent opportunity that will allow me to put my innate analytical
and problem solving skills to use, as I am certain that part of my path, my
destiny calls for me to do just that. I know I am on my way; I just spend the
summer helping someone launch a home health care business and later I have been
seeing opportunities that could be promising... So I am on my way.
As they say “when the student is ready the teacher will
come” , a teacher, one by the name of Alanis Morissette through her interest in,
psychology, Astrology, women empowerment and Spirituality showed up for me when
I started my path to self discovery and many has followed since then. As I learned that I am more than my sun sign
(Gemini), I discovered numerology and recently the enneagram. All this
personality and psychological tools helped me become my own parent. Using my
analytical skills I did a lot of research on the Internet and at book stores.
These tools also lead me to the spiritual communities online starting with Hay
house radio and now 12Radio where I have met many teachers, supporters and made
many friends. With spirituality I learned to tune within for answers, and trust
in God and the universe, which you think should be easy for me because I am a 7
life path (the spiritualist) according to numerology, but with my Gemini sun,
keeping my mind quite during meditation is a struggle, even with the guided and
imagery meditations.
During this period I realized that we are all connected and
God has a way of letting us get the messages meant for us. If you miss it the
first time, you will definitely get it again. For instance, sometimes when I go
to church with my friend’s mom and I will hear the same message I heard during
the week on the Radio on church on Sunday and vice versa. Another thing I have learned during this
period is to be more open and trust more and not to be afraid to reach out for
help because sometimes the person you reach out to have a message for you. Just
recently I was upset because a job that I thought I had did not turn out to be
what was promised and even though I do not like calling someone during the work
day, I called someone who has been helping with my job search and networking, He told me to email him, and
after I told him what was happening he wrote “something is meant to be/Happen for you” I smiled and said thank you. Three hours later I got a call from an employer informing me that someone is interested in interviewing me and they will call me to schedule. Once when this friend told me to have faith, played that message in my head all day, I even dreamt he was offering to take me to church.
after I told him what was happening he wrote “something is meant to be/Happen for you” I smiled and said thank you. Three hours later I got a call from an employer informing me that someone is interested in interviewing me and they will call me to schedule. Once when this friend told me to have faith, played that message in my head all day, I even dreamt he was offering to take me to church.
Being in a holding pattern, going through transition is not
easy. Staying positive will work but not all the time. At times you will feel
as if you are in limbo one minute you will be find and the next you will be in
despair. Frustration will come, especially if you know and feel that you are doing
everything you can to make changes to your situation you know that is needed.
Tears will come from nowhere, things that you once enjoyed as hobbies will seem
frivolous and pointless. If it is a job you are wanting and can’t find any, you
will hate Monday because you are not at work and you will not be looking
forward to TGIF as few employers book interviews on weekend. At times you will resent
the affirmations and advice that have helped you in the past because all you
want to do is move forward. The word patience will be your nemesis. You will
question God and life.
For those going through transition, I send you hugs and lots
of love. My advice is to just trust and surrender to God but stays focus on
your goals and do not give up. Try and stay engage in life and make a list and
try to accomplish sometime each day even if it is just cleaning your room.
Anything positive that gets your mind off your situation is a gift.
More to come…..
