Tansitions (1) - The holding Pattern

10/28/2013

The hold pattern

I am in transition they tell me, a holding pattern. I am glad there are words to describe this time period in my life and that someone informed me of it (no joke, it helps a lot and I give thanks and gratitude for this knowledge).  These words have become the flash light that turns off and on, on its own in this dark tunnel that I have been in for almost three years now.  But something tells me I am nearing the end of the tunnel, all my cells in my body are suddenly hyper as they sense the brightness at its end. I should have known this transition awaits me because seven years ago I started this path of self-discovery, what I would not have know  is that it  will lead to  me being plucked out from life as I was living it and put in place that is transforming.

Here is what I wrote three years ago and the height of my self-discovery: “On the part to self-discovery, becoming whole, becoming my authentic self.  For the past couple of years, I have been wondering what I am meant to do with my life, I have the innate feeling that I am meant to be somewhere else doing something more fulfilling, and I am meant to contribute more to the universe than I am current doing. This feeling was the force that got me to apply to business school in 2005 and now five years later, I feel like it is back, urging me to move closer to my destiny.  After grade school it took, what felt like decades for me to find a job, and even then my life hit a wall, all the opportunities that was dangled before me faded; for instance the opportunity to work at the VA hospital disappeared as will quickly as it appeared.” 

 

Now it is three years later, after being laid off from a job that I wanted to leave, and giving up my apartment in a town that I did not enjoy living in, I find myself more certain of what I want for my life professional and personally. In know now that I want to engage more with and in live instead of being just the observer, the investigator.  Before the layoff and the forced move, I was job hunting, looking to leave town but circumstances beat me to it. I dealt with the situation by putting my things in storage and planning a move destination unknown.  All I knew was I wanted to be in an area where it would be easy for me to continue my career interests and give me opportunities to interact more with others. Luckily a friend’s mom staying about 80 miles from an area I was interesting in offered to rent me a room for what I can afford to pay. I accepted and I joined two professional organizations that offered monthly seminars giving me the opportunity to stay connected to my industry happenings and to network, something I had wanted to do whiles working but never got the opportunity to do. Though I was down, I was not going to be knocked out.

I understand myself a lot more now and I feel more equipped to take my place in this world. Although I have found ways to stay involved in my profession, and to earn money for bills, I am still looking for something full-time permanent opportunity that will allow me to put my innate analytical and problem solving skills to use, as I am certain that part of my path, my destiny calls for me to do just that. I know I am on my way; I just spend the summer helping someone launch a home health care business and later I have been seeing opportunities that could be promising... So I am on my way.

 

As they say “when the student is ready the teacher will come” , a teacher, one by the name of Alanis Morissette through her interest in, psychology, Astrology, women empowerment and Spirituality showed up for me when I started my path to self discovery and many has followed since then.  As I learned that I am more than my sun sign (Gemini), I discovered numerology and recently the enneagram. All this personality and psychological tools helped me become my own parent. Using my analytical skills I did a lot of research on the Internet and at book stores. These tools also lead me to the spiritual communities online starting with Hay house radio and now 12Radio where I have met many teachers, supporters and made many friends. With spirituality I learned to tune within for answers, and trust in God and the universe, which you think should be easy for me because I am a 7 life path (the spiritualist) according to numerology, but with my Gemini sun, keeping my mind quite during meditation is a struggle, even with the guided and imagery meditations.

During this period I realized that we are all connected and God has a way of letting us get the messages meant for us. If you miss it the first time, you will definitely get it again. For instance, sometimes when I go to church with my friend’s mom and I will hear the same message I heard during the week on the Radio on church on Sunday and vice versa.  Another thing I have learned during this period is to be more open and trust more and not to be afraid to reach out for help because sometimes the person you reach out to have a message for you. Just recently I was upset because a job that I thought I had did not turn out to be what was promised and even though I do not like calling someone during the work day, I called someone who has been helping with my job search and networking, He told me to email him,  and
after I told him what was happening he wrote “something is meant to be/Happen for you” I smiled and said thank you. Three hours later I got a call from an employer informing me that someone is interested in interviewing me and they will call me to schedule.  Once when this friend told me to have faith, played that message in my head all day, I even dreamt he was offering to take me to church.

Being in a holding pattern, going through transition is not easy. Staying positive will work but not all the time. At times you will feel as if you are in limbo one minute you will be find and the next you will be in despair. Frustration will come, especially if you know and feel that you are doing everything you can to make changes to your situation you know that is needed. Tears will come from nowhere, things that you once enjoyed as hobbies will seem frivolous and pointless. If it is a job you are wanting and can’t find any, you will hate Monday because you are not at work and you will not be looking forward to TGIF as few employers book interviews on weekend. At times you will resent the affirmations and advice that have helped you in the past because all you want to do is move forward. The word patience will be your nemesis. You will question God and life.

For those going through transition, I send you hugs and lots of love. My advice is to just trust and surrender to God but stays focus on your goals and do not give up. Try and stay engage in life and make a list and try to accomplish sometime each day even if it is just cleaning your room. Anything positive that gets your mind off your situation is a gift.

 

More to come…..

 

  Transitions (2)
Transition 3